Relationships: Reading Material & Student Workbook

Relationships: Reading Material & Student Workbook Love Yourself Be kind to yourself when you make mistakes. Remember no one is perfect. Stop looking towards others for approval. Look inside yourself, and love every part of you. You shouldnt allow other people to tell you who you are. You are the only one who can decide that. You need to love yourself first before you can genuinely love others. Family Time Quality time is time spent doing an activity that is meaningful to the whole family. You learn about your family from the time you spend together. The learning process takes place in the many daily tasks of life done as a family. Like: Eating meals together Talking over the days activities Dealing with challenges Interacting with people outside the family Ideas for family activities: _For Example†¦.Make Tuesday night the family game night or start a new family tradition._____ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ Sibling Rivalry What causes sibling rivalry? Birth Order Brothers vs. sisters Age Parental attitude Tips to avoid getting into a fight with your brother or sister: Always stop, breathe, and think before arguing. Remind yourself that you have special talents. Try to praise your siblings for their achievements share their pride. Past experiences with my siblings how I could have handled them differently or better: _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Thoughts for how I could positively handle other situations with my siblings: _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ The Teen Years The teen years are the most challenging years for families. Remember your parents will always be your parents and still have authority of what you do under their roof. Follow the curfew set and know that parents will always worry about you especially if you are late. Call them when youre going to be late. Effective communication is key. If parents feel that you are keeping them in the loop, you will gain more of their trust and respect. Believe it or not parents do know what is best for you so listen and learn from them. Learn from their life experiences. Choose wisely when selecting your group of friends and/or boyfriend. You are who you hang out with. You will take on their characteristics within one months time. Repeat and Acknowledge Repeat and acknowledge is a communication tool that will help to identify the real problem and allow both parties to fully acknowledge the other persons feeling and concerns with out an argument. Role Play Rules Two participants: A Giver and a Receiver Giver speaks a feeling Receiver states back and ask for corrections, â€Å"What I hear you saying is†¦.. Is this correct?† If the Giver answers YES the Receiver will own, acknowledge and validates the givers feelings, If the Giver answers NO The Receiver will repeat step one until they come to a YES. Choose Your Friends Wisely! Your friends have such a powerful influence over your attitude, reputation and direction. The need to be accepted and part of a group is very powerful. Too often friends are chosen based on whoever will accept us. Its hard, but sometimes it is better to have no friends for a time than to have the wrong friends. The wrong group can lead you down all kinds of paths you really dont want to be on. You can look for friends anywhere; they dont have to be the same age as you. You can be friends with your parents, your grandparents, cousins, etc. Anyone who shares your interests and will be there for you is a friend! Qualities to Look For In a Friend Someone you can trust. Someone who encourages you to succeed and achieve and celebrates your successes. A person of good character (honest, sincere, loyal, respectful, responsible). Peacefully resolves conflicts. Has strong positive relationships with his or her parents and other adults. Serious about school. Knows how to make plans and set goals. Has a positive view of the future. Gets along with many different people. Kind and compassionate. Respects himself or herself. Avoids dangerous situations. Takes positive risks. Gives back to the community and serves others. Is a positive influence on yourself and others. Qualities I feel are important when looking for a friend: _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Qualities I want to avoid when looking for a friend: _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Qualities that I will have as a friend to others: _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Develop Lifelong Friendships While in College Developing lifelong friendships may be one of the most rewarding aspects of college life. Friendship Statistics Between the ages of 15 and 25 is when most people establish lifelong friendships. Singles tend to rely on friends for companionship. Best friends usually become an extended family. College friends are somewhat different than friends from high school because you bond in different ways. You may bond during late night study sessions, making dinner together, or during long drives home. Theyre somewhat like your family away from home. Some friends may make sure that you wake up in time for your midterm or make you soup when youre sick. During college there are a variety of ways to develop these friendships, which have the potential of becoming lifelong friendships. Living with Roommates Sometimes many students make lifelong friendships with their roommates. If you have a good experience with your roommate during your first year of college, you may want to continue living with that roommate. You may also decide to live with other people as well. Sharing a house or an apartment allows you to spend time with people and really get to know who they are. You may learn things that only their families know about them like how long they take in the shower or what kinds of odd things they like to eat. Living together also provides opportunities for a lot of inside jokes, which can create even stronger bonds. You may also become closer when one of you becomes sick, and the parental instinct kicks in. Joining a Club By joining a club, you may be able to find people who share similar interests. Usually college campuses offer a variety of clubs like those that are associated with academic majors, public interests, politics, music, or careers. There are also fraternities and sororities at different colleges. Clubs provide an opportunity to meet people outside of the classroom, and the opportunity for you to get involved with something that youre passionate about. Being involved in extracurricular activities may also alleviate some of your stress. Making Friends for Life Developing lifelong friendships does take some time. Dont be discouraged if the first couple of people you meet dont turn out to be the type of friends you were hoping for. You may need to keep on trying to meet new people. You may make friends with people who you wouldnt have considered being friends with before. If you feel uneasy about the friends you have made, try to remember what you liked about your friends from high school. Keep yourself surrounded by good people who share similar goals to help you stay on track. Tough Decisions You are young, free and have your whole life before you. You have to choose which path you take in life: Do you want to go to college or graduate school? Should you try out for that team? What type of friends do you want to have? Who will you date? What values will you choose? What will you stand for? What kind of relationship do you want with your family? How will you contribute to your community? When The Going Gets Tough The tough challenges are conflicts between doing the right thing and doing the easier thing. They are the key tests, the defining moments of life and how you handle them can literally shape your life. They come in two kinds, small challenges and major challenges. Small Challenges occur daily and are easier to conquer. They include things like: Getting up when your alarm rings Controlling your temper Disciplining yourself to do your homework. Overcoming spending urges and saving money. If you can conquer yourself and be strong during these challenges your days will run much more smoothly. Soon enough, these moments will prove to have less and less power over your life. Major Challenges occur every so often in life and include things like: Choosing good friends Resisting negative peer pressure Rebounding after a major setback Parents divorcing Getting cut from a team These challenges have huge consequences and often strike when youre least prepared for them. If you recognize that these moments will come then you can be prepared for them and meet them head on. Peer Pressure What is Peer Pressure? It is the pressure, stress or strain we all feel from friends and classmates to act, behave, think and look a certain way. This kind of pressure can cover everything from fashion to sex and dating. Peer pressure can be negative, where someone is coerced into doing something that they know is wrong (e.g. drugs, smoking, or pressure to have sex) or it can be positive, for example, a teen whose friends are all high achievers in school will feel pressure to also be successful. Beware of friends that seem to be friends but really are not. They may try to take advantage of you. Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you. They may do some things to you that you would never do to them. Who is Affected By Peer Pressure? Anyone can be affected by peer pressure; however, teens with low-self esteem are most likely to fall victim to negative peer pressure. Overcoming Peer Pressure Some of the hardest moments come when facing peer pressure. Saying no when all of your friends are saying yes takes raw courage. Sometimes peer pressure can be so strong that the only way to resist it is to remove yourself entirely from the environment youre in. This is especially true if you are involved with a gang, sorority, or a tight group of friends. To overcome peer pressure, youve got to care more about what you think of you than what your peers think of you. So Why is Peer Pressure so Hard to Resist? It is because you want to belong. Everyone wants to feel accepted by some sort of a group. Thats why teens are often willing to go through brutal hazing rituals to become a member of a club or get heavy into drugs or drinking in order to fit into a particular group. Sometimes you simply need a wake-up call to snap out of it. Why do Teens Pressure Other Teens to do Things? Some teens believe that manipulating people to do things they shouldnt gives them a sense of control over others. Some teens are jealous and envious of what you have, but only want to be more like you. Some teens think its cool to try to get away with doing things that are wrong just to see if you will side with them. Some teens use pressure to get whats best for them, even though they know that the outcome wont be good for you. This is very self-centered thinking. How do You Walk Away from Peer Pressure when you Know its Having a Negative Impact on you? The idea that â€Å"everyones doing it, so it must be cool† is not always true. Dont go along if you are uncomfortable with the idea. Ignore the person. Hang out with people who dont pressure you to do risky things. Even though its tough to say â€Å"no† you can do it if you believe in yourself. Try it and see how good it makes you feel. Often, you will find others agreeing with you. It can really make things a lot easier if you have at least one other friend who is on your side. Make up your mind beforehand that certain things in life will always be a definite ‘NO; like drugs, cigarettes, lying and stealing. Remember that the values that your parents taught you will make you stronger in handling peer pressure and you can always use them as your excuse as why you wont do something. Since it is rather difficult to always say no to friends, try and choose likeminded people as friends. Refuse to let yourself down. If you can think of peer pressure as letting yourself down, it becomes easier to combat it. It will make you feel more confident and raise your own self -esteem. Ways to Resist Negative Peer Pressure Walk away. Ignore the person Pretend that the person must be joking. (â€Å"What a riot! You are so funny.†) Say no calmly but firmly. Say no and give a reason (â€Å"No. Cigarette smoke makes me sick.†) Say no and state a value or belief thats important to you. (No. Ive decided not to have sex until I get married.†) Say no and warn about the possible consequences. (â€Å"No way! We could all get expelled.†) Say no and change the subject. (â€Å"No, Im not interested. Say, what did you think of that stunt Clarisse pulled in math class today?†) Say no and offer a positive alternative. (â€Å"No thanks, Ill pass. Im going for a bike ride. Want to come?) Say no and ask a question. (No! Why would I want to do that?†) Say no and use humor. (â€Å"Forget it. Id rather go play on the freeway; its safer.†) Say no and apply some pressure of your own. (â€Å"No. Hey, I always thought you were smarter than that.†) Share your feelings. (â€Å"I dont like being around people who are drinking.†) Use your parents as an excuse. (â€Å"My dad would kill me if I ever did that.†) Stick up for yourself. (â€Å"Im not going to do that. It wouldnt be good for me.†) Confront the person. (â€Å"I cant believe youd ask me to do that. I thought you were my friend.†) Call another friend to help you. Always have an out a Plan B. (â€Å"Sorry, I cant come to the party. I promised my sister Id take her to a movie.†) Make an excuse. (â€Å"Gotta run. I told my mom Id clean my room.†) Laugh. Hang out with people who dont pressure you do to risky things. Ask a peer mediator to help. Tell an adult. Trust your instincts. If something doesnt feel right, it probably isnt right. Avoid the person from then on. Just Say NO! Why is ‘NO, a two letter word, so hard to say? Say ‘No it may be tough, but believe in yourself and often you will find others agreeing with you. Practice saying ‘NO for all the right reasons. Role play saying ‘NO with a family member or a friend. Once you say ‘NO understand that there is no going back. People will eventually respect you more for standing up for yourself. Saying ‘NO means you can feel more in control of your life. List any suggestions from class for avoiding peer pressure: _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Not all peer pressure is bad. If you can find friends who put positive pressure on you to be your best, then hang on to him or her for dear life, because you have someone very special. If your self-confidence and self-respect is low, how can you expect to have the strength to resist? Make a promise to yourself and keep it Help someone in need Develop a talent Renew Yourself Eventually youll have sufficient strength to follow your own path instead of going down the beaten path. Dating 101 Be clear with yourself about what kind of qualities you ideally want in the opposite sex based upon your needs and values. Once you set the qualities you need, never wavier from them. Know what personality characteristics and values you want your date to have. Be clear with yourself about your minimum requirements and what you will and wont be satisfied with. Dont be misled by what you see in the beginning. Dont make a long-term commitment during the first phase of the relationship. You should also delay committing yourself to the person until after you have had an argument or two. Your potential partner needs to get to know you, so be visible, open and honest from the beginning. Suggested similarities for better relationships Similar core beliefs and values regarding ethics, morals, religion and spiritual issues. Contents and style of life. Desire and need for affection and togetherness. Standards of cleanliness and order. Beliefs regarding division of labor and responsibilities. Level of need and desire for social activities. Amount of involvement with others. Types and frequency of activities. Characteristics Qualities I am looking for in a relationship: _________________________________ _________________________________ _________________________________ _________________________________ _________________________________ _________________________________ _________________________________ _________________________________ _________________________________ _________________________________ As I date, I have learned that I want: _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ As I date, I have learned that I dont want: _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Healthy Vs. Unhealthy Relationships What Makes a Healthy Relationship? Mutual respect The key is that your significant other is into you for who you are for your great sense of humor, your love of reality TV, etc. Does your partner listen when you say youre not comfortable doing something and then back off right away? Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other is and understands and would never challenge the other persons boundaries. Trust Its ok to get a little jealous sometimes jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when he or she feels jealous is what matters. Theres no way you can have a healthy relationship if you dont trust each other. Honesty This one goes hand-in-hand with trust because its tough to trust someone when one of you isnt being honest. Support Its not just in good times that your partner should support you. Some people are great when your whole world is going well, but cant take being there when things are going wrong. In a healthy relationship, your significant other is  there with a shoulder to cry on when  you find out your parents are getting divorced and to celebrate with you when you get the lead in a play. Fairness/equality You need to have give-and-take in your relationship, too. Do you take turns choosing which new movie to see? As a couple, do you hang out with your partners friends as often as you hang out with yours? Youll know if it isnt a fair balance. Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get his or her way all the time. Separate identities In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises. That doesnt mean you should feel like youre losing out on being yourself. When you started going out, you both had your own lives your own families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc.   and that shouldnt change. Neither of you should have to pretend to like something you dont, give up seeing your friends, nor drop out of activities you love. You also should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward. Good communication Youve probably heard lots of stuff about how men and women dont seem to speak the same language. We all know how many different meanings the little phrase no, nothings wrong can have, depending on whos saying it! But whats important is to ask if youre not sure what he or she means, and speak honestly and openly so that the miscommunication is avoided in the first place. Never keep a feeling bottled up because youre afraid its not what your BF or GF wants to hear or because you worry about sounding silly. What Makes an Unhealthy Relationship? A relationship is unhealthy when it involves mean, disrespectful, controlling, or abusive behavior. Some people live in homes with parents who fight a lot or abuse each other emotionally or physically. For some people who have grown up around this kind of behavior it can almost seem normal or ok. Its not! Qualities like kindness and respect are absolute requirements for a healthy relationship. Someone who doesnt yet have this part down may need to work on it with a trained therapist before he or s